Cartoon for November 27 Peter Patter
Cartoon for November 27 Peter Patter

Taking cues from queues with no ‘than-queues’

AFTER plenty of allegations from my younger colleagues and friends, I have come to the conclusion that they are right – I am a cranky old git.

Yet, I’ve pretty much been a cranky old git from the git go.

I’ve never had much patience and have always hated queuing but I can’t help thinking it’s all a conspiracy.

The reason I didn’t play much rugby in my youth was that those lineouts look suspiciously like a queue to me.

This lack of patience and dislike for queuing was brought back to me this very week.

I’d gone out for a family dinner Wednesday night when Toowoomba’s CBD eateries and bars appeared very well patronised.

Perhaps since the lockdown we are all pleased to go out again, but that doesn’t mean we should have lost our sense of order during the pandemic.

Let me explain. As I said, I am lacking in patience.

So, there I was at the end of a 10 people deep queue at the bar while those in front of me were ordering dinner.

Now, they all had menus on which was explained what each meal consisted of.

Yet, there are those who get to the front of the queue and see it as their time for bartering.

“Are these chips battered or plain? Has the salad got onion, I don’t like onion? Are the snails cooked?”

Meanwhile, those of us at the back of the queue who were only looking for two beers with which to quench an unholy thirst, were left with dry mouths and tapping toes while Mr Fussy argued the toss of the counter meal.

To these people, I say: “Read the menu, order and move on, please!”

It’s the same at the supermarket.

Whenever I get within two people of the checkout, the person at the head of queue thinks it’s time for a natter with the checkout attendant.

“Oh it’s been hot, hasn’t it? My puppy Frufru has really been feeling the heat, I’ve had to put his puppy bed in front of the aircon.”

Please! It’s a business transaction, not a social outing.

While I’m sure the checkout attendant is smiling and appearing to be interested in Frufru’s health, no doubt the queue is growing as is the checkout attendant’s anxiety.

Then there’s those who hand over their card only for it to be declined and so the rest of the queue stands idly by while the shopper tries another 15 credit cards until one is found with a bank balance in the black.

The next day after the family dinner, I went to put on my Lotto in the hope that I’ll one day win enough money to pay someone to do my shopping and so avoid queues.

However, the conspiracy continued with a lady in front of me who was obviously a first time lotto player.

“What’s a quick pick,” I heard her say, prompting me to storm out of the newsagency, probably missing out on the winning Powerball entry and freedom.

Note: Every newsagency has pamphlets explaining every form of quickpick and system entry.

For heavens people, do some research before you play.

Fair dinkum! It’s a conspiracy.

Originally published as Taking cues from queues with no ‘than-queues’

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