Insane booze gift is a step too far
Everyone knows that alcohol is the laziest and most insulting gift you can give somebody.
In essence, it signals to the recipient that they have no hobbies or interests that spring to mind except getting tanked, which - let's be perfectly clear - is still a hobby.
Or perhaps it says more about the person buying the gift, who has become so jaded by the end of the year that booze is the only Christmas gift they can think of.
Knowing that many of us fall into this latter category, bottleshops are ramping up the boozy gift boxes this year.
I've seen a lot of them come and go over the years but there is one worth mentioning in detail because it is truly ridiculous. Or amazing - depending on your disposition.
The Craft Cartel - 100 Can Case, which comes in a custom-made timber box and will set you back a whopping $499. It takes two people to lift the damn thing.
Giving this to someone is the equivalent to hiring a yacht, smuggling illicit cigars out of Cuba in a wooden case signed in blood by Fidel Castro and handing it to your dad on Christmas Day while wearing a pair of aviator sunglasses at 7am.
Maybe I've watched too much Man v. Food, but giving someone 100 beers in one go seems like a step too far for your average joe.
But to be fair, nobody is saying you have to drink it by yourself or in one sitting.
The beers I've managed to get through are bloody nice too and there's a selection from a range of Victorian breweries who have been hardest hit by the extended lockdowns. There is also a wide variety of styles including Pale Ales, Brown Ales and IPAs. So in all seriousness, it's pretty cool if you have the dosh and the brass balls to send this to someone this Christmas.
If they're feeling generous, they might even share some with you.
CIDER MAKES COMEBACK
Another booze box selling well off the back of a renaissance this year is one filled with cider.
I've struggled with cider ever since my university days when my housemates and I would chug on nasty £1.20 ($2.10) two-litre bottles of the stuff from our corner shop in Cardiff.
I'm not saying all ciders are bad, but let's be honest, a lot of them are pretty odious.
That said it's reportedly making a big comeback this summer thanks to wacky flavours like Apple Crumble Cider and Rosé Cider.
Dan Murphy's says there has been a 17.5 per cent increase in sales of experimental flavoured ciders compared to this time last year.
"Customers are moving from the more well-known apple and pear varieties into refreshment and a wider flavour spectrum such as berries, ginger and tropical fruits. 75 per cent of all cider sales are currently being driven by non-traditional cider flavours," said Harriet Wischer, category manager, range, Dan Murphy's and BWS.
Seizing on the trend, Dan Murphy's has launched Summer Cider Picks - a hand-picked collection of six ciders: Zeffer Apple Crumble Cider, Kopparberg Strawberry & Lime Cider, Scape Goat Pineapple Flavoured Cider, Coldstream Rosé Cider, Culture House Apple Mango Sour Cider and Somersby Blackberry Cider.
OTHER NEW DRINKS
Here's a couple of new drinks that have hit the shelves recently.
One of them is called Pals from our mates in New Zealand. It has taken the Kiwi-land by storm.
It became so immensely popular after its New Zealand launch in October 2019, that by early January 2020 stock was exhausted throughout the entire country and, now its number one flavour profile - Vodka, Watermelon, Mint and Lime - has arrived in Australia, I can see why.
It's a delicious and refreshing low-calorie pre-mixed drink made using a minimal number of high-quality ingredients, including all-natural fruit extracts sourced in Hawkes Bay, New Zealand mixed with decent spirits.
It's like a seltzer, but tastier than most of them. Bring more flavours to Australia, please!
For our intolerant readers who don't like New Zealand, an Australian-owned company has released a similarly good product recently.
Honeysuckle Distillery has launched two new delicious alcoholic soda-based drinks range to Aussies looking for their refreshing new tipple this summer.
With all-natural flavours right in the heart of Victoria, they're made from purely natural ingredients, are exceptionally low in sugar and are totally gluten free.
The Hard Sodas are available in Natural Lime or Natural Berry flavours and they are just 91 calories per can (330ml) and 2g of sugar.
Send me your homemade beers, email Benjamin.firstname.lastname@example.org or roast me on Twitter, follow @bengrahamjourno
Originally published as Insane booze gift is a step too far