‘Bill Shorten was just lower hanging meat’: psychic croc apologists

BURT the psychic croc won't be shafted into the back corner for his failure to predict the winner of the federal election.

The Crocosaurus Cove crew - where the big and possibly un-psychic lizard is housed - believe they misinterpreted the old croc's signals after his first big leap was in fact for Scott Morrison.

Burt's psychic abilities drop in and out like a badly tuned wireless.

He correctly picked Malcolm Turnbull at the last federal election. But he picked former CLP leader Adam Giles to win the last Territory election against Labor's Michael Gunner.

Labor slaughtered the CLP in a bloodier savaging than a croc on a chicken.

The new lazy version of Burt the psychic croc wouldn’t know an election winner if it bit him on the arse. Picture: Katrina Bridgeford
The new lazy version of Burt the psychic croc wouldn’t know an election winner if it bit him on the arse. Picture: Katrina Bridgeford

There were rumours of political bribery but the NT News believes it would be hard to corrupt the old saltie, however his apologists are like the boy who cried croc, with claims "he was misunderstood" being marched out a hell of a lot.

Crocosaurus Cove team also said the meat from Morrison's sign was too high up for the 5.1m crocodile to easily reach and after trying he gave up and treated himself to the lower hanging meat on Bill Shorten's sign.

Just like a millennial, he wants everything handed to him.

"Burt's jumps to predict the election were the fastest he has ever done," the spokesman said.

"His first jump, which was for Scott Morrison, was one of the highest jumps we have ever seen Burt take, which you can see in the very beginning of the video clip.

"The meat hanging off of Scott Morrison's head shot was perhaps too far out of reach for old Burt.

"Not wanting to miss out on a treat, Burt then leapt for Bill Shorten's image with a morsel more in his range."

Burt's most impressive pick was back in 2010, when the wise saltie correctly predicted the Darwin Cup winner out of 12 possible options.

It took Burt, who works part time as the NT News' chief electoral analyst, less than 30 seconds jump for Morrison and miss and then successfully chomp on the meat from Opposition Leader Bill Shorten on Wednesday afternoon.

The spokesman said in the excitement of Burt's successful chomp down, we believe us humans have misinterpreted the actions of our mysterious psychic croc.

"The speed and height of Burt's initial leap have lead us to believe upon later contemplation that he knew exactly how the election was going to turn out," he said.

"We are taking this to say that Burt did in fact predict Scott Morrison and the Liberal Party as the election winner, but wasn't going to settle for a leap without a treat."

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