Baby names that never appear on lists
From most popular to most outrageous, there's a list for every type of baby name. Except for these 20 gems that escape both mockery and glory.
ALEXANDRA. You probably won't find Alexandra being torn to shreds in online forums, but she probably won't make it to number one either. You're much more likely to see modern variations of Alexandra - such as Xandra, Zandra and Lexxie - being picked apart on baby-name lists.
AUDREY. Think granny chic is just a fashion trend? Nope, it's a naming fad too. Dust off your grandma's appellation and give it your baby because it's guaranteed to be cool again. But not too cool - Audrey only made it to number 35 in 2018.
BRIDGET. You'd have to be seriously cranky to find any fault with this harmless classic meaning "strength". But I'd also be very surprised if soy latte-sipping parents suddenly decided it was the hippest name in Australia. Hence its appearance in this list-less void.
CLAIRE. Bright, feminine and strong all at once, Claire will escape lists for all eternity. The vintage classic will never be too trendy or too out-there. It's the Switzerland of baby names.
COLLETTE. Too sexy? Too French? Too classy? Too charming? You'd have to try REALLY hard to find something wrong with this beauty. Calm down, Susan.
DARCY. Darcy oozes bad-ass edginess out of every pore. Even if part of you wants to write it off as tryhard-ish, you just can't because it's cool and you wish you'd thought of it first. This goes for boy Darcys too. I LOVE a male Darcy.
HEIDI. What's not to love about this adorable moniker? From the 1937 musical Heidi starring Shirley Temple to supermodel Heidi Klum, it only has positive associations.
JAMILA. This Arabic epithet meaning "beauty" is edgy AF. Think Jamila Afghani, the activist who's been fighting for women's rights in Afghanistan. And Jameela Jamil, the Good Place actress who campaigns against toxic diet culture in Hollywood. You don't mess with Jamila's.
JULIE. In the '60s and '70s, Julie hovered near the top of the most popular list. But given that it's far too beige for finicky 21st-century parents and there's no reason to mock it, you won't be finding it on any lists these days.
KATE. Kate's are cool. All of them. Kate Middleton. Kate Winslet. Kate Hudson. Kate Moss. Kate Upton. Kate Beckinsale. Nothing to see here. Moving right along…
ADAM. You can't fault the name of the first man ever. There's nothing controversial about it, but it's never going to be number one either. Adam will forever live in No-List Land.
ANTONIO. If you try to poke fun at this sexy Italian name, everyone will know you're just jealous. Antonio Banderas rocks it and Tony is a kick-ass nickname. Best of all, it'll never become too popular on our shores.
BRIAN. Unless someone writes a '10 Blandest Names Known to Man' list or a 'Names That Get Autocorrected into Funny Words' list (Brian = Brain), Brian will remain off any and all lists. Except for this one, of course.
BORIS. Look, man, I don't want to make sweeping generalisations here, but I've known one Boris and he's not the kind of guy whose name you should ridicule. I highly recommend that you do NOT put his name on any kind of list.
DAVID. Sorry, Davids of the world, but your name is just YAWN. It didn't even make the top 100 in 2018 and I couldn't think of something vaguely funny to say about it if my life depended on it. Dull, dull, dull.
GUNNAR. Like Darcy, Gunnar is COOL. If I ever had a sex change (not in my immediate plans), I'd call myself Gunnar. I wouldn't even care if people found it a bit arrogant. I'd rock that bad boy like nobody's business.
JOE. Try to find something bad to say about Joe. Or something good. I dare you. Joe is a list-less wonder. He will never make a list. Sorry, Joe.
MALCOLM. This name kind of makes me twitch for reasons I don't completely understand. I don't like it and I don't hate it. But I've never once found a reason to put Malcolm on any of my lists and I've written hundreds. Well played, Malcolm's parents.
NATHAN. What? It's too strong? Too classy? Too regal? What's wrong with this name, Blayze? Are you sure you aren't just a tad jealous?
SIMON. Biblical names don't tend to cause a lot of controversy nor do they make it to the top five. Simon is the kind of guy who gets to work on time, eats a heathy lunch and never makes it onto lists.
This originally appeared on Kidspot and has been republished with permission.